Mother Moments: Nathalie Solis
We sit down with Nathalie Solis, Mother and Doula based in the Northern Rivers of New South Wales. What attracted us to Nathalie is her beautiful practice and philosophy of care for women as they move through pregnancy and beyond. Here she shares insight into her work, balancing her own self-care and provides invaluable wisdom for Mothers, Mothers to be and their families.
1. Tell us a bit about yourself ~ when did you become a doula and what drew you to this area of supporting women through pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period?
As a Cultural Anthropologist I used to research and write about women's health and birth practices, rites of passage, as well as gender politics so diving deeper into the birth practices of my own culture felt like a natural extension of this.
I became a certified doula shortly after I gave birth to my son in 2013. The moment I became a mother was so transformational for me on such a deep level that I simply couldn’t go back to the work I was doing before. I had to get to the core of why some women have positive birth experiences and others don’t. I wanted to gather the most crucial knowledge in this field and have it all in one place and that has pretty much become my work now. Training with birth pioneers such as Dr Michel Odent and his colleague doula Liliana Lammers as well as other leading experts in childbirth education and optimal fetal positioning was vital to my own formation as a birth professional.
I am driven by a passion to provide evidence-based information and education but also offer much needed emotional and practical support to mothers and their partners throughout this very special time in their life.
2. What is a doula? What services do you offer?
The official definition describes a doula as “a birth professional who provides emotional, practical and informational support to birthing mothers and their partners during pregnancy, labour and the postpartum period.” I often simply say: “Just think of me as your professional best friend. Your birth bestie.”
I am not a medical professional, I don’t take blood pressure, palpate baby’s position or do vaginal exams — I am there to hear you, support you and educate you about your options. As a doula I see myself as a consultant who is always next to the mother and her partner — together with the partner we form a triangle of support. I provide information about procedures, options, choices and alternatives but I never make any decisions on behalf of the parents. It’s not my birth and not my baby. Only the parents know what is best for them and their child. I love this about my job. I empower parents to speak up for themselves, ask for what they need and come out of this experience thinking: “We did this!”
As a doula I listen. I accept. I validate. I do not prescribe, judge or direct. I offer gentle guidance, provide evidence-based information, offer empathy and an open ear and heart. This is how I like to describe what I do. I provide so much more than just in-labour support. I usually see my families 3-4 times before the birth and spend many hours with them afterwards too. I come into their lives at a very intimate moment in time where they feel vulnerable and powerful at the same time. As a doula I am really an empty vessel and just become whatever that particular mother and partner need the most in that particular moment. That’s why I love being a doula and don’t want to be a midwife — our roles are very different and that’s a good thing!
3. What do you believe are the most important factors in preparing for an empowering birth and the transition into motherhood?
Great question! I think being open to the possibility that birth can be pleasurable and is even supposed to be ecstatic. Which is exactly what happens in labour: you’re outside (“ex-“) your usual state (“stasis”). When I start working with couples there is often a lot of undoing that needs to happen so we can move beyond the fears, misinformation and negative beliefs and get to a place of trust, faith and true understanding of the simplicity, and complexity, as well as the power of birth. Once we’re there that’s when ‘the fun can begin’ and we can work towards what the birthing mother most desires and wishes for. Making sure that she has a medical care-provider who matchers her preferences is an important part of this process.
Generally speaking I make sure that mum is in the best shape she possibly can be (physically, emotionally, mentally), ensure that we assist her baby to be in an optimal position for labour and birth (ie. head down is not enough!). Only if all of these boxes are ticked can we even begin to think about birth potential and our ecstatic blueprint for birth. If your baby is not in an optimal position once you go into labour all the affirmations and visualisations in the world will not help you because there is something paramount that needs to be addressed first.
So that’s what you have me for — when we work together you can be 100% sure that you’ve done everything you possibly can do reach your maximum birthing potential. This doesn’t mean you will have an orgasmic water birth at home, it means that you and your particular baby will reach your optimal birth potential within what is available to you both at the time.
Research shows that it’s not the outcome of the birth that defines a woman’s birth satisfaction or whether she felt it was an empowering experience but how she was treated and supported throughout the process.
Regarding the transition to motherhood: the birth of a mother is often much longer (and more challenging) than the actual birth itself. That’s why the most important thing after birth is: support, support, support. Calling in your village and mama community. Knowing that it’s ok and normal to ask for help. Having resources at hand when things don’t go to plan (I am yet to see a birth AND postpartum period going to plan!) The nature of any major life transitions means that there will be an unexpected hiccup/challenge in there somewhere for you so it’s important to feel supported and not think that you should be able to get through this all on your own. Mothers throughout the times have always been supported by other mothers. We are not meant to go through this transition alone.
4. How do you prepare partners to support mothers during the birthing process?
The birth space is a very special and sacred space that no one should enter without prior preparation and knowledge — this of course applies to partners as well. Sending them into the birth room without thorough preparation and then expecting them to be the mum’s primary source of emotional/practical support is very unrealistic and also unfair for the birth partner.
As all mums know it’s important that your partner understands the birth process so he knows how to best support you at any stage of labour. Talking about the hormones of birth is paramount. For the partner to understand why it’s so important to keep the lights dim, strangers out of the birth room (if possible), reduce the use of language/questions/neocortical stimulation and know that all that is required of him/her is to be lovingly present, to acknowledge and encourage. In our prenatal sessions I show partners hands-on techniques for physical and emotional support as well as different comfort measures.
No matter where you plan to give birth you will be spending lots of time at home in labour so partners need to know exactly how they can help and feel useful. And then after the birth they will become sort of like a postpartum “manager” which is an even more important role. So I always try to make it as simple, effective and comprehensive as possible for partners so they know what’s really critical and expected of them. And how they can make sure the birthing mother will remember this stage of her life as something beautiful, something that brought them closer together as a couple.
5. What are some of your key tips for the fourth trimester / first 12 weeks or so after giving birth?
Once you’re finished with your birth plan make sure you also have a postpartum plan. The first forty days after birth are a critical period for the mother and child and it really pays off investing some time and thought into preparing for this stage.
Many women like to have a blessingway (instead of a baby shower) before their birth and instead of asking for gifts they ask their closest friends to sign up to a Meal Train so that both parents will be freed from the chores of shopping, prepping, cooking in the first few weeks with a newborn. In my experience, this is one of the most helpful gifts for most newborn families. One of my dear friends organised a Meal Train for me many years ago and it was a lifesaver because even the most dedicated, motivated and supportive partner will get tired of preparing three healthy meals every day for six weeks on end. I see this all the time. That’s why traditionally we had other women move in with us (or we move in with them) so they could do the housework, look after older children, shop, prep, cook, clean and take care of the never-ending piles of laundry. It’s almost a full-time job but many partners don’t know this until they actually have to do it.
Simplify your life as much as you can during the first few months. If people offer help, say yes! Know that it’s normal to go slow at first. This is exactly what your body and baby need. Only have one outing a day in the first year (if you can!).
Read the ‘Postnatal Depletion Cure’ by Dr Oscar Serrallach to educate yourself about the importance of your postnatal physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.
Read ‘The First Forty Days’ by Heng Ou to get your head around why the first forty days after birth might affect the next 40 years of your life!
Know that you and your partner are most likely doing the job of an entire village. All parents are super-humans! Living in nuclear families far away from our immediate and extended family is not ideal so we need to create our own village — as this is what it takes to raise a child.
6. Do you see many women with post natal depletion? And what do you think can be done to prevent this?
In my practice it’s all about prevention and optimising health before the birth so it doesn’t come to this. But yes I see it all around me, it has almost become normal to be constantly exhausted, depleted, fatigued, stressed and on the verge of anxiety when really it shouldn’t be. Yes it’s normal for parenting to feel hard at times and to be exhausting but the weight and pressure I see parents carry these days is heart breaking. Parents deserve SO much more help, support and acknowledgment for their immense efforts, they are raising our future society!
So back to your question: I think Dr Oscar Serrallach brilliantly outlines a prevention and treatment plan for Postnatal Depletion so I won’t dive into any details here. The bottom line is: as we are having babies much older these days (after decades of potentially burning ourselves out already in our careers) it’s a lot to ask of your body to create a perfectly healthy human being, give birth to it naturally, breastfeed for months or years on end (all with minimal support) and not feel depleted. Ideally as soon as a couple thinks about growing their family they would get onto their health and make sure they’re in a state of optimal physical, emotional and mental health and have enough support around them to make this stage of life as joyous and smooth as possible.
7. What are your top nutritional tips for pregnant and breastfeeding mothers?
For pregnant mums: eating local, organic and whole foods. Avoid processed foods, or anything with an ingredient list on it, as much as possible. Once you’ve made it past any first trimester nausea be mindful of your sugar, refined carb, wheat and gluten consumption as this has a significant effect on the size of your baby, can indirectly contribute to certain health conditions (think Gestational Diabetes) and GBS (which is usually kept in check by a healthy gut flora). It can also contribute to water retention in the vaginal / cervical area, as well as increase possible inflammation in the pelvic space which in turn can create more pain in labour, slower dilation and a longer, more difficult pushing stage. Obstetrician Dr Gowri Motha (UK) has published a very comprehensive protocol on this topic (‘The Gentle Birth Method’) and most mums who follow it rigorously have significantly shorter and easier labours.
For breastfeeding mums: After birth try to mainly eat warming and life giving foods (nothing raw or cold). Ayurveda and TCM tells us that a mother who has just given birth is ‘cold’ and depleted (due to the loss of blood and life-force) so make sure that in the first few weeks you eat warming broths, soups, stews, things that are easily digested. In the months and years after: let food be thy medicine as now you’re nourishing not only yourself but also your baby. Make sure you replenish iron and micronutrients. Iron deficiency anaemia makes it so much harder to cope with sleep deprivation and can also contribute to postnatal depression in women at risk. Always make sure you have healthy snacks and a large jug of water / tea on your bedside table because breastfeeding requires at least an extra 500 calories a day! The best and most healing food after birth (and my favourite) would be bone broth. Making yourself a superfood smoothie can also be a great way of giving yourself those 10 minutes of self-care every day and doing something to nourish yourself on a regular basis.
8. What are some ways friends and family can support a new mother?
With a Meal Train for example. Or simply by asking the newborn mother what she needs and when and how exactly she would like it to be done. For many of us it’s so hard to ask for help so know that when she asks she really needs it. Be lovingly present and non-judgmental. A mother always knows best! Don’t offer advice unless asked. Simply ask: “What do you need right now? What would be most helpful for you right now?” and then do it — simple!
9. What does self care mean to you?
Self care to me means looking after myself in the same way I look after my children/family/partner/friends. Knowing that every minute I spend meditating, nourishing myself, exercising, treating myself does not only benefit me but also my family. Only if I look after myself can I be 100% present for my clients, and be the best version of myself. I like to remind myself that my cup needs to be full before I can truly give. Self care to me also contains an element of celebrating these miraculous bodies of ours and honouring them for the hard work they do every. single. day. making and sustaining all these babies :-)
10. What is your favourite (simple) mid week meal? And can we share the recipe?
Oh I have so many! Right now I am in the midst of morning sickness so my choice would probably be bland potatoes or toast with cheese! But when I am my usual self I love cooking any of Teresa Cutter’s (aka The Healthy Chef) recipes (her cakes are divine!). Before my morning sickness I also obsessed over Ottolenghi’s SIMPLE cookbook — it’s the best! I like when what I cook is made from whole foods, has no more than five ingredients and is done in 20 minutes but still tastes amazing. I will share this recipe with you: Kale, Spinach & Feta Pie (because it contains lots of iron which most of us mums need). I also love Pete Evan’s super simple Tom Kha coconut soup and his amazing Pizza base recipe made with almond meal and topped with whatever you like… as I said it’s too hard to just choose one!
11. If you had one piece of advice for (new) mothers, what would it be?
Be proud of yourself, you’re doing amazing. Your body is an absolute miracle. Love yourself so your children will learn how important this is before you can truly love others. Know that whatever you’re going through right now, you’re most likely not alone — we’re all in this together. When in doubt — reach out.
